In the process of cleaning up recently, I came across a little booklet that a former student had made for me many years ago. It is nothing special, just a few pieces of coloured paper stapled together. The little girl had written on the front, “The best teacher.” Below that she had drawn a heart and written inside it “From Kate” [not her real name].
Like I said, it’s nothing special. Then, why do I have such overwhelming feelings of guilt when I look at it? I didn’t see the girl for some time after she gave me the booklet. But then, when I saw her again at the end of the year, it was to say goodbye to her class. Kate came out from her desk and gave me a hug. Or at least, she tried to. But I pushed her away.
Her teacher wasn’t happy that Kate had got up from her desk. In fact, I don’t think Kate’s teacher was happy with a lot of things that Kate did. Kate may not have been liked by many people. But she liked me. She gave me a booklet that called me The Best Teacher. And I pushed her away.
I pushed her away. Me! I should have known better. I know what it’s like to be pushed away. I know how it feels to be unliked. So why, then, did I do it?
Why did I do it?
This wasn’t a deliberate rejection that I’d thought about beforehand. The whole episode happened quickly and unexpectedly. I was not going to be seeing the class again, and Kate wanted to give me a goodbye hug. It was in a public place, in front of the whole class. Kate wasn’t worried about what people thought of her. I was the one who instinctively worried about what people thought of me. I cared more about what everyone thought of me, than about the hurt I was doing to Kate. I got the feeling that they didn’t like Kate, so I acted like I didn’t like her either.
I’m a grown adult who should have known better. I should have done better. I didn’t show God’s love that I’m always going on about. I was wrong. And I feel guilt and regret about it even now.
I’m so sorry!
I’ll never get to see Kate again. I’ll never get to apologise. I’ll never get to return the hug she wanted to give me. I’m so sorry!
When reading New Morning Mercies, by Paul David Tripp, New Morning Mercies, I’ve found comfort in his devotion for March 21 which includes these Bible verses:
Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behaviour.
But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.
Colossians 1:21-22
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
1 John 4:10
At one time you were dead in your sins. Your desires controlled by sin were not circumcised.
But God gave you new life together with Christ. He forgave us all our sins.
He wiped out what the law said that we owed.
The law stood against us. It judged us.
But He has taken it away and nailed it to the cross.
Colossians 2:13-14 (NIVR)
Your guilt is forgiven!
Tripp writes, “The message is clear! … Let your mind embrace the comfort of these words, comfort that is nowhere else to be found: ‘[God has cancelled] the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.’
If God has willingly cancelled whatever regret causes you to hold on to, you are free to let it go as well. You are free to quit punishing yourself for debts that God has already cancelled. Now, that’s freedom!”
Are you trying to hide/excuse your guilt?
Perhaps you are also feeling guilt and regret over something in your past. Perhaps you’ve tried to push it away under piles of stuff, hoping that you can just forget about it. Perhaps people have told you (or you’ve told yourself) that you just couldn’t help it; that it was a long time ago; that you should just move on; that no one even noticed; that you weren’t really doing anything wrong; or even that the other person deserved it. Perhaps you’ve even tried to believe those excuses. But the guilt and regret remain.
As Tripp says, only God can truly take away your guilt and regret. Only God can give you true and lasting comfort which sets you free from your sin, and the guilt of your sin.
Jesus has died to pay for your sin. He’s already paid the price. You don’t have to hold onto the guilt and regret anymore. Because of Jesus, you are set free! Hallelujah!
What about you?
Do you have regret and guilt about the past?
Are you prepared to acknowledge and confess your sin?
Are you ready to let God’s love, through the death of Jesus, forgive and heal you?
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