I’ve been speaking behind people’s backs. Why can’t I choose my words more carefully? They didn’t hear it, but does that make it OK?
If you prefer to listen: Podcast #46 Choose your words
I’ve just come home from visiting a friend. I’m thinking about all the unkind things I said about people. Can I even hear myself? Why would I choose words like that? Why do I talk like that? I’m mad at myself for saying those unkind words. I feel really stupid. I didn’t need to say them, certainly not in that way. Surely, I could have used kinder words and expressions to talk about my feelings. Grrr! And now my words are out, I can’t take them back…
Why would I say that?
I wouldn’t have said those things if the people were present, would I? So why did I say them now?
I suppose that they were only spoken words, so they won’t go any further. As long as I can trust my friend not to spread them around with embellishment…
I suppose that at least I didn’t write them on social media, where they’d be forever captured by someone, even if I did eventually remove them.
Regretting my words
I don’t know why I chose those unkind words. But I’m really sorry for them. I shouldn’t have said them, (even if they were partly true).
The Bible has a LOT to say about how we should speak. This page alone has 100 or more verses about the tongue: Open Bible the tongue
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.
Proverbs 21:23
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
James 1:19
Who have I wronged?
OK, so I regret my words. And I’m sorry. But only my friend heard what I said. So, maybe it doesn’t matter after all? My conscience convicts me that what I did was wrong. God heard me, and I certainly wasn’t following His commands. In particular, I broke the eighth commandment:
You shall not give false testimony against your neighbour.
Exodus 20:16
Luther’s Small Catechism gives this meaning for the commandment:
We should fear and love God, so that we do not lie about, betray or slander our neighbour, but excuse him, speak well of him, and put the best construction on everything. Luther’s Small Catechism – Bethany College
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.
Ephesians 4:29
I’ve certainly sinned against other people, even though they didn’t hear me. But, equally, if not more importantly, I’ve sinned against God, because He has commanded me to love my neighbour.
Should I confess?
Should I confess? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Imagine if I went up to Billy and Suzie and said, “I need to confess that I’ve been speaking badly about you behind your backs.” Yeah, nah.
So, maybe I don’t have to confess to the people about whom I spoke badly. In fact, this would only stir up real trouble. So then, do I just carry on ignoring my sin? Or perhaps just say I’ll try harder to choose my words next time?
Actually, I do need to confess my wrongdoing to God. In fact, it’s not only my bad words that matter to God. He knows even my thoughts, and He knows that they aren’t always good!
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23
For as a person thinks in his heart, so is he.
Proverbs 23:7
Change my heart, O God
So, my prayer is that God would change my heart; make me more like Him – in thought, word and deed.
Prayer:
Dear God,
You know my deepest thoughts. You know they aren’t always pleasing to You. You have heard my unkind, proud, self-righteous, jealous, nasty, angry words. Please forgive me.
Please change my heart, so that my thoughts are pleasing to you. Help me to choose my words wisely, so that they may be encouraging and helpful. When I speak of others, may my words build them up, even when they aren’t present to hear them.
Remind me that my life’s purpose is to give glory to You – not to proudly boast in my own achievements, nor to belittle or damage the reputation of others.
Thank you for your Word of truth that convicts me of my sin and turns me to You.
Thank you for your Word of forgiveness that assures me that Jesus has taken away my guilt, and the consequences of my sin.
Thank you for your amazing love!
Help me to spread Your love wherever I go.
Amen.
Song:
Song: Change my Heart O God (Vineyard)