Next week, I am scheduled to have an operation. It’s come on suddenly – not the condition, the surgery. I had some issues a few years ago, and then again this year. One of the GPs in the practice where I go, made a referral to the nearest public hospital. It was rejected. Then I had a scan, and saw another GP. The second GP was not worried at all, but the first one said she would make another referral just to make sure. This time it was accepted. I visited the hospital last week, and now I am scheduled for an operation, category 1.
A few days ago, I got an infected thumb, so I went to a GP who prescribed antibiotics. I said I was having surgery next week. He said I’d be fine. Today, I’ve suddenly developed a rash. This is one of the known side-effects of this antibiotic. So, I’m stopping it. I don’t want that to cancel my surgery.
For a few weeks, I’ve been coughing at night. Last night was worse than usual, and I’ve got a sore throat this morning. Hubby said I was snoring too. When I saw the anaesthetist on Monday, he asked about any difficulty with swallowing and looked into my throat. It was fine then. But now it’s red and sore. He said that coughing and a sore throat were not good prior to anaesthesia.
I’m worried. It’s exploratory surgery, looking for cancer. I’m worried about side-effects and risks, and my cough and sore throat when I am under general anaesthetic.
I’m also worried because my surgery is only six days before Christmas. And there is so much to do in preparation. We will have all our children staying for a few days, so there are beds to make, meals to prepare, presents to buy and wrap, and our Christmas letter to write and send.
I’m also worried because two weeks afterwards, we are scheduled to begin a long caravan trip. We will have house-sitters, so there is a LOT of work to do in preparation for them. All the gardens need a lot of work. All the Christmas decorations will need to come down, and the house prepared. We are going to have to prepare and pack our caravan. Not only am I worried about getting everything done in time, I’m also worried that I might be physically unable to do as much, as I recover.
In the Bible, the words, “Do not fear,” or similar, are written many times. Some say 365 times, one for each day of the year. I haven’t counted all the times, but I know there are many. It’s not easy to not fear or worry. Some say it’s only natural, or only human. That’s true. But it’s also a sin.
Yes, you read that correctly. Worry/anxiety is a sin. When I first came to really understand that worry is a sin, it surprised me. Jerry Bridges in ‘Respectable Sins,’ says, “When God says, ‘Don’t be anxious,’ it has the force of a moral command. In other words, it is the moral will of God that we not be anxious. Or to say it more explicitly, anxiety is sin…When I give way to anxiety, I am, in effect, believing that God does not care for me and that he will not take care of me in the particular circumstance that triggers my anxiety of the moment…Anxiety is a sin also because it is a lack of acceptance of God’s providence in our lives,” p64. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/930225.Respectable_Sins
Everything is probably going to be OK, but the medical staff have to tell me of all the risks of surgery. One of which is death. The chances of dying on the operating table may be low, but the chances of dying are 100%, for all of us. We just don’t know when or how.
In our society, we don’t think much about death. We just assume it won’t happen to us, at least not for a long while. It’s only when facing an operation, or a possible cancer diagnosis, that we think about our eternal future. In fact, I haven’t really got time to die yet. I’m too busy doing things/having a good time here on Earth.
Then Satan accuses me of sin and I feel guilty. Lots of people have REAL things to worry about, that are much worse than my fears. God says worry is a sin, and I’m worrying.
I also feel guilty that I have been a Christian all my life, and God has done so much for me, but have I done anything in return? Not to earn my salvation, but in thankfulness and obedience to His command to tell other people about Jesus and the free gift that is for everyone who believes.
God knows all my worries, and all my sins, and He gives me an answer:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6 (NIV)
I need to pray. I need to entrust every little detail to God. Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, when He was facing something that far exceeds anything we will ever experience. I can pray, knowing that He has control of the surgery, the diagnosis, and my life. No matter what happens, God says that He means it all for good.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
God says that I am forgiven. Jesus has paid for my sins.
Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behaviour. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.
Colossians 1:21-22 (NIV)
God has made me holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation. Amazing! You can read that again, aloud, knowing that it refers to you too!
God’s word is comforting. I need to repeat it to myself, and trust Him to guide me, no matter what happens.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4 (NKJV)
And if I don’t come out of the operation, that’s OK too. You know where I’ll be, and I hope to see you there one day.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:16 (NIV)
And if the surgery all goes OK, then I’ll praise God for that too, and keep on writing blogs…
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Do you have particular worries right now?
How do you manage your anxiety?
Do you ever think about your death?
How would you comfort a friend who has worries and anxiety?
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